Men usually don’t care as much about the future wedding as women do. The details, such as what flowers to choose or what food to serve at the wedding meal, aren’t that important to them. So, a fiancee might feel like she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders because all of the wedding planning is done by her alone. If that’s your case, this article might be useful for you. Maybe you and your honey just misunderstand each other’s priorities or handle responsibilities ineffectively.
Tip #1
Discuss your priorities
Actually, this is the first step in wedding planning but if you haven’t done it yet, sit with your fiance and talk about the priorities. How do you both imagine your wedding? What are the most important things in a wedding for you and for him (budget, food, music, short guest list, location)? Concentrate on those priorities that are in common for both of you. What wedding issues you can gladly skip and save some money on? And so on. When you know your partner’s priorities, you can divide the responsibilities in wedding planning better.
Tip #2
Share with him the scope of work
Some grooms don’t help much with wedding planning not because they don’t love you or are lazy but because they don’t realize the amount of work that has to be done. They might think that it’s just some fun stuff you do with pleasure to make yourself busy. Show your fiance the whole scope of wedding planning, share the long list of things to do. And tell him what your expectations are so that you both were clear.
Tip #3
Just ask for help
If you feel like you’re overloaded with tasks regarding your wedding prep, ask for help directly. Don’t wait for your fiance to offer help, don’t expect him to read your mind and just know what you need from him. It doesn’t work like that. Communicate. With specifics.
Tip #4
Use your strengths
If you know for sure that your fiance likes to do something that will be helpful in wedding planning and is really good at it, use this. For example, if he’s a melomaniac, ask him to work with your wedding DJ, create wedding playlists, take care of the sound equipment, etc. If he’s crafty with tools, think about DIYing your wedding signs or décor – of course, he should be on board with this idea and have enough time for that. In wedding planning, it’s important to divide the responsibilities according to your strengths and circle of interest.
Tip #5
Load your wedding ideas on fiance in small portions
When you’re up to your ears in wedding planning, you constantly talk about it and often stop to notice it. It leads to situations when your fiance can’t stand these wedding talks any longer and you start fighting or get offended by his “indifference”. To avoid this, have your usual everyday conversations on various topics and choose some time to discuss the future wedding. For example, organize a meeting with snacks or lunch when all you’re going to talk about is your wedding ideas. This way, you won’t overload your partner with info and ideas regarding the wedding.
Tip #6
Learn to overcome problems and challenges together without accusing each other
When complaining – and you will – learn to build your communication so that you don’t just push and blame and criticize. Instead, tell him about your emotions and feelings. Here’s an example: instead of saying “You do nothing to help me with planning”, say “I feel overwhelmed with the amount of work and can’t cope alone. I really need your help”. Your wedding planning is probably the first complicated situation you come across together. And also, money is involved, large sums. So, it’s your chance to learn to work as one, to overcome hard times, to learn to compromise and support each other. If you do everything smartly, it will only strengthen your union.
Tip #7
Household chores count as help with wedding prep
Maybe your fiance isn’t deeply involved in the wedding planning but he helps you with various chores at home – dog walking, house cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, and so on. You should realize that it all counts as help because you get more free time to do whatever you need for the wedding prep. But if such a scheme doesn’t work for you, talk to your honey about it, don’t be afraid to verbalize your complaints, just do it without accusations and screaming.
Tip #8
His feelings and emotions matter, too. And yes, men have them as well!
A lot of men don’t share their feelings and emotions easily. They’re taught that from childhood: men don’t cry, man up and stop slobbering, and yada yada. So, men learn to hide their emotions deeply. Or sometimes they don’t realize at all that they have emotional triggers connected to a wedding. If your fiance avoids helping you with planning your big day, maybe the reason is much deeper than the usual lack of interest or laziness. Try to talk to him very carefully and without judgment to find out if his feelings and emotions are involved. For example, he might feel uncomfortable or even humiliated because he can’t provide more money for the wedding. Or his parents got divorced when he was a child, it was painful for everybody, and marriage is associated with bad things in his subconscious. There can be so many different issues, so before pushing and accusing your fiance in lack of interest in your wedding, consider the emotional side.
