The Latin American countries and the USA are situated nearby, but local wedding traditions differ so much that it can be a challenge for the couple to organize the wedding at all. Though, if the bride and groom succeed in performing this uneasy task, such a wedding party might become the celebration of a lifetime not only for the newlyweds but also for the guests. So, here are just a few dissimilarities you’ll face trying to mix American and Latino bridal traditions in one beautiful wedding ceremony.
Wedding planner: So, how many people are we thinking for this Long Island/Venezuelan Union?
Future bride: Um. We haven't really landed on a number. But ballpark – like 400.
Future groom: 40.
Future bride: Forty?
Future groom: Four hundred? You think you have 400 friends?
Future bride: Oh, I misunderstood the question. You must have thought I was crazy. 40 friends for the bridal party and then 400 guests.
Future groom: What?
Future bride: Listen, you got to be aware it’s a little different in my culture. I have to invite my cousins, my second cousins, my third cousins, those people I call cousins who aren't actually my cousins, my cousins from Peru…
Future groom: I've never even met your cousins from Peru.
Future bride: Yeah, no, me neither. Then, my parents' friends, conocidos.
Wedding planner: What's a conocido?
Future bride: Conocido is someone you know exists but you don't care about.
Future groom: So, acquaintances. Whom I don't want at my wedding.
Wedding planner: Ok, this space can accommodate large groups.
Future groom: That's not a large group, that's, like, the size of Luxembourg!
Future bride: He’s never been to Luxembourg.
Wedding planner: Ok, you mentioned you want “get lit” and “party all night”. And that's great because this space you can have till 11!
Future bride: Oh, great! That's perfect! That is such a relief, I was honestly worried that Americans like to end their parties early.
Future groom: My fiancee thinks you mean 11:00 a.m., not 11:00 p.m.
Future bride: That's the 11 before the midnight? That 11? Are we on drugs???
Future bride: What's next? We're going to print out little freaking name cards for people? What are we, fascists?
Future groom: That's not fascism. You're describing place cards.
Future bride: Well, I'm pretty sure Mussolini had place cards at his wedding.
Future groom: Mussolini? Jesus, Joanna, people need to know where to sit for dinner.
Future bride: Sit? No, no, no. There will be no sitting. A buffet in the corner that everyone forgets is there. 5-6 constantly rotating meals on trays that you got to run for. Let me tell you something. There's very few things more exciting than locking eyes with the waiter holding the tequeños on the other side of the dance floor and sprinting for it!
Wedding planner: ROMANCE! Let's remember why we're doing this in the first place, right? Let's talk about something romantic. Your first dance.
Future bride: I just imagine a really nice salsa song. I don't care what the lyrics are. They can literally be anything but I just need a sick-ass beat. I want my feet to bleed in 3 minutes!
Future groom: I would love not to have any of that. I don't want my feet to bleed. I was thinking something more traditional, like a slow dance to Dave Matthews.
Future bride: Who are Dave and Matthew?
Future groom: No, Dave Matthews.
Future bride: There are two Matthews?..
Wedding planner: Toasts! Who is going to give a toast?
Future groom: Well, my buddy Hunter is writing something and he's hilarious.
Future bride: Oh, how fun! Hunter's a real hilarious good friend. He still talks about camp and he is 33 years old.
Future groom: I would hate to interrupt our 17-hour party for acquaintances to hear my best friend say nice things about us. He made a slideshow, Joanna, and it's beautiful.
Future bride: You know what's truly beautiful? The unrelenting waves of joy of the “Hora Loca”.
Wedding planner: I'm sorry I do have to ask, What's the Hora Loca?
Future bride: Hora loca?! “Crazy hour”! We got plastic hats, we got fake glasses, we got a fog machine, we got highlighters you could write on your skin, we got Halloween costumes that are a little bit too slutty but over your dress look pretty cool. We got a dance battle that slowly escalates into violence. We got really small glitter bombs that explode!
Of course, these are jokes. But from the dialogues, you can understand that the difference between the American and Latin American culture is huge. And a Latino-US wedding can be something you will never ever forget. Even if you’re just a conocido…